fingers and jukebox

I now know what is more powerful than money. And it's my fingers.

(You sing as I insert the coins in the slot.
And your voice reaches
octaves above C level
in different beats and tempo
while you dance rhythmically
until you run dry)

waking up, dreaming still

ho-humm
*blink, blink*
*scratch, scratch*
(smiles)
(mind starts to whirr)

Life
(opens eyes)
*sniff*
your smell is the breath
that plays with the mind
such that it tickles
not only the nostrils
but the indentation
of the brain
where thoughts run amok.

it shatters the haze
blown by my mouth.

(moves closer to hug)
Love
*giggles violently*
you are like an old
and torn shirt
I wear
with great fondness--
every crease
has molded my body
anew
every hole,
my pores have
memorized.
A guilty pleasure.

(kisses your body all over)
My Lady.
*tsup tsup*
*muwah muwah*

*sigh*

I can die.

barber's cut?

What interesting news you let slip!
What hair that we could've braided together is now...
balding.
*sigh*

ahurm... here yea here yea

ahurm
Originally uploaded by toikees_beary.

It is the goddess, muse of my writings.

***************
Hello, lovely lady!
I think I may have told you that this (writing to you) is something that I want to do almost everyday.
I hope you will be luuuuurrrrving it.

**************

Browsing through the public drive, I came across your picture.
It was surprising because among the pictures, yours was the one that jumped, winked and smiled at me.
It even stuck out its tongue!
Then after it has gotten my attention, it waved at me and opened its mouth.
Would you believe that it even talked to me?
It said "Hello beawee koi! Wala lang dusto ko lang sabihin sa iyo na I love you so much beawee koi! I love you so much!"

**************

Beautiful, everything about this picture has a surreal feeling.

And something about "unearthing" it gives me voyeuristic shivers that sing to my carnal desire. Heehee!!!!!!!!!!!

See, as I look at this picture, love, I can't help but think what you were thinking of when they took this picture.
You are not smiling but smirking... like you see something that amuses you. (Or it may be you know something that people around you don't know about?)
It is strange that I am looking at a picture that, shall we say, belongs to the "pre-bearcat" age.
Funny.

*********

And who would've thought that this beautiful woman would eventually be my reason?

********
Terrible flight of ideas again, love.
Because of lack of sleep
because of this state we are in.
The Great Depression, according to the book we love.
I call it the great financial turmoil.

But we will survive.
So long as we are together
POWEBER!

Maybe you could just feed me with nutricious and delicious moysties served with minimae sauce!!!!!!

The goddess and the mortal

CIMG1231
Originally uploaded by toikees_beary.

And so it is revealed
to the world for everyone to see.

El amor de mi vida!

Overjoyed

Over Love.
Over you.

You.

Lovely Lady Love.

You

are

Lithe
Limber
Lustful.

You

are Like

a LoLLy
I Love to
Lick

with LiLting
LiveLy
Loopy strokes of my
Lengthy tongue.

untiL you

un LLLLLLLLLOOOOOOAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dreaming still

I don't know why this has a surreal feel.
I am teaching one more time and it seems I am floating with you in dreamland (so don't go thinking that you are alone, mi vida.)

**********

I have been talking to a colleague, love. I can't help but feel that I really am dreaming of becoming a writer... still. You have been patronizing my work, this I know.
Maybe someday, I would find the courage to finally join the Palanca Memorial Award.
Or be a playwright.

*********

I am not exactly bursting with ideas now. I am not even bleeding with metaphors or am I bursting in poetic farts. I just feel dead in the middle of the night without the slightest hint of your presence, except for your cologne I sprayed all over my body.

*********

A while ago, I had this sudden impulse to check the new public drive. I confess, I was looking for your picture. I was able to find it, mind you.
And it brought a huge smile on my face. My smile, if you are terribly curious, looked like the wonderful smile you had in that picture.

**********

Of ghosts and ungodly hours

For once, can it appear in front of me?
But let it not look like the bloodied remains of injustice and abuse.
Let it look at me with love. Let it see me with your soulful eyes and wear its heart out, not on its sleeves but on its entire body.
Let is smell like your sweet, mind-bending scent --- let it bring me to altered states of consciouness that I may teach the novice under the influence of you.
Let it walk to me like your sultry salsa or with the crescendo of samba --- almost floating towards
me
Cat-like and limber. Loving and horny.
Just like the state I left you in. After we've made love.

(I am definitely feeling your effect on me, love. I ought to wear your scent everyday.)

Night(re)cap

Lonely.
Terribly, absolutely, superbly lonely. It's amazing how I was able to survive the night knowing that I am not whole. That my other half is on the other side of consciousness tossing and turning, counting the sheep --- fluffy like the cloud we live in.
I so miss you.
I cannot bear not to be with you in days and nights.

Oh to the simple minded (forgive me, love... I just gotta)

Dream
Because that is all you can do.
You cannot paint landscapes with your tongue; you can never draw in abstract... not even with your snot as you accidentally sneeze on a canvas.
See how you create imagery?
It is not enough to have self-confidence (for when you build an empire with pride and self-confidence, the walls will crumble like rice cake --- and my mouth will be the earthquake that will chew your musings and ramblings --- and make you suffer some more.)

And I know for a fact that you will never be a good lover.
A good lover is a good writer. A good writer is someone who will always see what is beyond the trite. And you are trite.

If you see a woman's breasts, you'll see how brown the nipple is and how 'wonderful' its form is.

Whereas I will see the mammary ducts convulsing beneath her skin --- you see the wave it forms ever so slightly --- as it looks at its master. And for a split second, right before you help yourself with a mouthful, you will see the nipples stand in attention even before your spit lands on them.

Oh well... what do I expect?
A warthog does not eat anything nutritious.
Memory gap, as they say.


(Love, maybe next time, you can bring your pet sustagen?)

And to spite those who believe but can never be as good.

Open and your eyes and let your eyeballs skate through my words smooth as the rink's surface and I shall speak of words that will make water freeze --- as each magical drop of their drool slinks its way enviously in circles of current rippling as it chills.

Tell people to play words with me.
And let's see who'll die first.

Years

And how long has it been love?
Have you been terribly disappointed that I have not been singing to you when all my days are spent pursuing trite and trivial tempo of the keys humming underneath my fingers.
Forgive me love.