At diyan nagtatapos ang kuwentong Mae Ann at Pia

Makalipas ang tatlong taon, nagtapos na po ang huwad na pagmamahalan ng dalawang kung minsan ay naging magsing-irog na si Mae Ann Veloso at Pia De Ungria. Bagama't mayroong pait sa puso, umaamin si Pia na sadyang tama ang naging desisyon mo, Mae Ann na umalis na sa relasyong mukhang walang patutunguhan. Si Pia ay lubos na nagpapasalamat sa pagkakataong binigay mo na mahalin ka niya. Hanggang sa kahuli-hulihan. Salamat.

Goodbye Jer-gel(?)

Yesterday marked the several year-long relationship of your brother and his (ex) girlfriend(?). And we punctuated it with the usual drinking session: soooooo just like the old times.

And what has been revealed is oh-so-familiar. Martyrdom branded as unconditional love for her who has supposedly loved your brother, and who has done all of the wonderful things for him who always rushes to the willing loins of women he wooed.

And we have also discovered that not only he (who was branded "culprit") is at fault but her too. She, until the very end fails to recognize this, however saddening it is.

And a very interesting revelation is your actual want for me to discover a world beyond you.

Quite interesting indeed.

And a shitload of stories are entering my consciousness once again.

Wala na akong magagawa

Kung hindi lumuha
Sumuka; manigarilyo't uminom
Matulog
Mangarap at magpakamanhid

Dahil kung hindi ang buhay ko
sa mundong ibabaw
ay mabibilang na
sa 'yong mga kamay.

Paalam, mundo.

Lintik ka puro latak ang 'yong alay

Ang totoo, mas maraming panahon pa ang iyong inuukol sa trabaho at iyong mga kaibigan.
Kailanma'y hindi ako napunta sa tugatog ng iyong listahan ng prioridad sa buhay. At aaminin ko napakahirap tanggapin nito para sa isang taong unang beses pa lang umibig, at inalay pati ang buhay para lamang sa iyong kapakanan.
Ngayon, ako'y nasa dulong-dulo ng iyong listahan. Sa pinaka-ilalim.
Isang oras para kay Pia sa isang araw. Tama na siguro yun.
Ang salop ay malapit nang mapuno
Ang pisi ay malapit nang maputol
Ang hangganan malapit nang marating.

Aliping sagigilid; pobreng mangingibig

Palimos po ng kaunting atensyon, para na niyong awa, para sa iyong alipin, isang pobreng mangingibig.
Kahit ga-mamamerang tingin, o singkong halik ang iyong itapon, ako'y liligaya na ng tunay.
Sa iyo ako'y susunod habang-buhay, tila isang asong ang buntot ay nagwawagayway para lamang sa baryang limos ng pagmamahal na iyong itatapon sa akin.
Sa awa, maraming tumatapon ng kanilang limos, higit pa sa iyong binibigay sa akin. Subalit pansin ay hindi ko sila maukulan, sapagkat ang iyong ibibigay ay siya lamang nais kong tanggapin.
Hanggang kamatayan.

Gallic

There is, after all, artistic license.

I am claiming that word and I will redefine it. It will no longer become anything relating to French.

But it will be anything relating to you, toikee... whose life has always been about the artistry of France, whose beauty puts the epitome of gallic to shame, who will soon be visiting the streets of life with the one who made her her life.

My daily diet sans you

Water
A pack of Marlboro
More water
(every once in a while) oatmeal
Candy (to avoid hypoglycemia)
More water

Food for when I find peace of mind

Santa Maria (Del Buen Ayre)

I have for the longest time failed to acknowledge that it takes two to tango.



As with any self-respecting, self-righteous individual, I have been (I guess for the past years) arrogant to think that I know how to best mould you into an ideal someone. And I have been arrogant to believe that I am the only one working to forever-dom, whereas you're just there, sitting pretty, with no care that the person you love is working her ass off, swallowing her pride and going against her better self just so she can be the person you will love forever.



No excuses for my arrogance. No excuses for my ignorance too.



I've been arrogant and ignorant to dismiss that my way is the only way. Well, let me rephrase that. I've been arrogant and ignorant to think that my way, albeit not the only way, is the RIGHT and BEST way to go about things.



I apologize for being a control freak. No excuses, I realized a lot of things now.


Love is not about cotrolling you but letting you be. It's not about telling you to go right or left, but it is about telling you, whichever you go, I will follow you. If we get lost, then I won't blame you. We will figure out a way ourselves, without me dictating how we can get out of the confusion we're both in.


For the past weeks (until about a week ago), my belief has always been I am the one to save you and I feel that you are destined for greatness, only, you are wasting your time with who you're being.


Then my admission of arrogance: I am not God to say that or to judge you that way. The way you're coursing through life is your way. It is not right or wrong, it's just what is.


And so now I am going to tell you this: I love you so much.


I am standing by my love for you not because I want to save you, or I want to give you a beautiful life (although I am still going to do that).


I am standing by my love for you, and I am going to be with you evermore simply because I love you. And it encompasses everything.


See you soon my love. :)

The torture lives on

The truth is, I have written nothing but good stuff, positive things about you in this blog.
Things that I have to think about are things that I have not written. For fear that it may taint your impeachable character, the character that I have created you in.
First things first.

How are you doing now, toikee? I haven't seen you in two days and as usual, I'm here at my home, palpitating. And I seem to be drowning in thoughts of what happened to us.

The thing is, no matter what happens, I will love you forever. I just don't know, don't understand what is happenning.

I just want to talk to you. Just talk, and let's straighten things out, for whatever decision there's left for us to make about us.

If this is the end, then I will bow down gracefully, thinking that I have had the best three years of my life with you; that I'm sorry it won't last forever like what you promised.

If this is just a bump in the road, I promise to hold your hand and never to talk or complain.

Please just tell me.

But no matter what happens, let me assure you this:

I will love you unconditionally forever.